Today’s Executive Coach answers an often asked question about conflict. What is “healthy” conflict? Without a doubt, conflict is going to happen. Therefore, there are simple principles that are important to know in order to have “healthy” conflict.
Q. What does “healthy” conflict look like?
Consider these 4 tips in order to see healthy conflict in action :
1. Build Trust: A team needs trust among its members. Building trust takes time, but the process can be greatly accelerated by creating simple exercises. Exercises that help the team to be more vulnerable with each other. A personal history exercise helps a team get to know one another and helps the team to start small. The point of the exercise is to simply help people get comfortable with moderate vulnerability. Each members is asked to answer the following question: Where were you born and what was the most difficult or important challenge of your childhood? Or, each person communicates their personality profile which gives each member insight into each other’s strengths and limitations. As members are willing to communicate more openly with each other, trust begins.
2. Define “healthy”: Once trust is built, it is amazing to observe previously guarded team members calling out one another’s strengths and weaknesses after having those strengths and weaknesses validated. Then, the fear of conflict can be overcome and “healthy” conflict can begin. “Healthy” conflict defined by author Patrick Lencioni is about “productive, ideological conflict: passionate, unfiltered debate around issues of importance to the team.” Unhealthy conflict are arguments that are often destructive because they are laced with politics, pride and competition, rather than humble pursuit of the truth. When people don’t trust one another to engage in passionate debate, they are trying to win the argument and are not listening to the other person’s ideas.
3. Understand Each Persons Approach to Conflict: Conflict is uncomfortable. But that is no reason to avoid conflict. If team members are not making each other uncomfortable, it is likely that they are not making the best decisions for their company. Therefore, conflict among teams is essential in order to make wise decisions going forward. How each person approaches conflict is important to consider. Factors like cultural and family background, along with past experiences of unhealthy conflict, can play into a person’s belief as to whether engagement in conflict is appropriate or inappropriate.
4. Determine Rules of Engagement: A team can figure out how to come up with their team’s collective conflict profile by determining rules of engagement. When people identify their individual outlook on conflict, they become much more open to adjusting it to whatever team norms are established. The leader must set the tone and create “healthy” conflict so that wise decisions are made. What do rules of engagement look like? The team comes to a consensus and conclusion that certain behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable i.e.. We will respect each other. We will not point fingers. We will debate differences by respecting each other’s opinion and allow everyone to be heard. Etc.
Remember that conflict is necessary in order for wise decisions to be made. Only “healthy” conflict is the key to success. Make sure your team understands what that looks like by creating the norms necessary for all to enter in.
How do you approach conflict? What will it take for your team to understand what it really means to have “healthy” conflict?
