Today’s Ask the Coach comes from my experience with a client who couldn’t understand why he wasn’t moving ahead. He couldn’t see how his own defensiveness was holding him back. Here’s his story, and some thoughts on how to avoid the sabotage that so many of us unwittingly engage in.
Tim wanted to be promoted to the next level in his career. During our initial meeting, I was puzzled by his defensive nature as I asked questions to understand what he wanted in a coaching relationship. I finally asked him what was going on. “Nothing,” he said. “I’m only here because my boss wants me to engage a coach. I really don’t need any help to get to where I want to go.”
Unfortunately, like many executives, Tim viewed coaching as being something done “to him” rather than a relationship he could engage in. He didn’t believe that coaching would help him see how his frames of reference, thinking and behavior could either produce outstanding results, or unintended negative consequences.
He couldn’t imagine a relationship with someone who had no agenda other than his own growth and success. He couldn’t see it as an investment in his career. Nor, did he want a relationship that was entirely focused on him. He didn’t realize how this attitude was hurting his career.
Coaching engages people in conversations where they can transform who they are in the face of their commitments. But transformation implies getting to the source of people’s behavior and altering their frames of reference and ways of being.
The main goal of coaching is to help clients objectively see where they are (current state) and where they need to be (future state) and then to develop a plan to get from here to there with as much fun as possible. To engage in coaching takes a willingness to be vulnerable and have a bias toward change. Changing the way you think and shifting your beliefs is not easy. But in my experience, I’ve seen time and time again that executives who engage in continual coaching and feedback to help them adapt to the constantly changing environment are the ones who succeed and move ahead fastest in their careers.
If you want this kind of transformation, how coachable are you? To find out, take this simple assessment:
Coachability Assessment
Circle the number that comes closest to representing how true the statement is for you right now. Then, score yourself, using the key provided. Your coach needs you to be at the place in life where you are coachable. This test helps your coach—and you—discover how coachable you are, right now.
Less true More true Statement
1 2 4 5 I can be relied upon to be on time for my appointment
1 2 4 5 This is the right time for me to accept coaching.
1 2 4 5 I am willing to do the work and let the coach do the
coaching.
1 2 4 5 I keep my word without struggling or sabotaging.
1 2 4 5 I’ll give the coach the benefit of the doubt and “try on”
new concepts or different ways of doing things.
1 2 4 5 I will speak straight (tell what’s really true) to my coach.
1 2 4 5 If I feel that I am not getting what I need or expect from the coach, I will share this as soon as I sense it and ask that I get what I want and need from the relationship.
1 2 4 5 I am willing to eliminate or modify the self-defeating
behaviors that limit my success.
1 2 4 5 I have adequate funds to pay for coaching and will not
regret the fee. I see coaching as a worthwhile investment in my life and career.
1 2 4 5 I am someone who can share the credit for my success with the coach.
TOTAL SCORE (add up all the numbers)
SCORING KEY
10-20 Not coachable right now
21-30 Coachable, but make sure ground rules are honored
31-40 Coachable!
41-50 Very coachable; ask the coach to challenge you!
Take a moment to notice which questions were “less true” for you. What attitudes do you need to change? What underlying fears or assumptions do you need to challenge in yourself? How can you make yourself more coachable?
